Whatever you teach your child, you taught your grandchild! -M.A Janjua
The world is amazed by how the system works, how it struggles to create one skyscraper, and then in what? No matter of time a line of skyscrapers on the same strip has emerged. The world is amazed by how the grandson looks just like his grandfather he never got the chance to meet, why do Americans have the same accent or characteristics of the same language?
The answer is duplication! The system of the universe is applied to every single thing, and one feature is duplication. The one who understands it achieves whatever they want.
Parents don’t realize it, but today everything becomes successful with the right direction of duplication, duplication can’t be forced or controlled in any manner, it is there, and it will stay there. It is a universal phenomenon that everything gets duplicated, however, we can put it in the right direction.
Whatever you are saying to your child, or instilling in his/her brain, or the habits they are building, beliefs and languages, etc. Everything will duplicate to your grandchild, and it goes on and on.
Pro tip- The conscious human mind is sensitive to second-contact emotions. That means, if you beat somebody in anger, you won’t regret it at that moment, however, if you are walking down the street, and see somebody punching the other person, you will feel concerned and bad right away.
So, the tip I want to give will work wonders for you, if you make it a habit it will be a turning point for your children’s upbringing as well as for the environment of your home.
Next time when you are about to interact with your child for any cause, keep in your mind that your child would teach the same thing to your grandchild, or turn it around the other way, while having an interaction with your child, tell your brain it is your grandchild. Your perspective and context of lessons will change instantly, which will change the way you effectively treat your children.
Parents Lost the Urge to Understand the Age/Life Phase of Children
The phenomena of the universe are in motion since it came to life, and that motion is driven by the emotions of human beings. Your actions toward other people have outcomes (or reactions) and the nature of the outcome differs by several things, the most basic is the age group you have contacted with, and the sort of cognitive lifestyle other person has spent.
Try making fun of a 3 years old child who has been already made fun of around 100 times, what would the child do? I think laugh with you, thinking you are the crazy one. Because chances are, he/she doesn’t understand a thing at this stage of life.
Now take a look behind that child, a skinny boy is walking towards you, about to cross your path, he also has been already made fun of for around just 20 times, go to him and make fun of him, I think you know his reaction, right? A broken tear, or a sturdy punch! That is the difference between age groups.
However, A worthy tear, or a sturdy punch? Both of the responses represent different regulations to threatening emotions, but why? That is where the nature of cognitive lifestyle (experiences, thought designs, behavioral upbringing, social rights, personality traits, instilled duplications, etc) comes into action, which we talked about earlier.
What most parents do wrong, is don’t enhance their sense of upbringing, and the characteristics they deliver to their children. Every age group your child is going through, your methods and teachings are the same. That is wrong!
Think for a second, 7 years old ask you ‘how did I come into this world’? chances are you will give credit to an angel who flew down with flowers and handed you the baby, at this point, your child got the answer, believed it, and imagined it, even if it did enlighten him/her.
Now assume your 18 years old asks you the same question. I don’t think you’d want to answer the same way you did when he/she was 7, right?
7 Ways to Win your Children’s Affection and Love
Are you in another bubble? No. We live in the same bubble but share different stories. I am imagining a happily married couple in front of me. Sitting on a sofa they hold cups in their hands sipping whatever they like to have at this time of the day. Their smile at each other is cherishing. Let me ask them about the five most important dreams that they haven’t yet achieved. I am sure their dreams will differ, the stories will differ, and the struggles will come out to be different as well. They aren’t even sipping the same drink.
It doesn’t matter if you share your life with someone or a roof. At a certain point, every person’s story separates the roads. Your child might be living in front of you but their perspectives, beliefs, and appraisals of experiences may be different. The good news is it is easy to take care of it. Respecting some basic human emotions will do the work for you.
· I am important- Imagine sharing a story with a friend who is busy on the phone, then leaves by giving a responsive laugh. Tell me if you had done this to your child? If yes then you need to understand that every human being needs to feel important.
Sometimes their story isn’t relatable or doesn’t match with our wisdom but it does to theirs’s. Asking “How are you doing?” isn’t enough, tell me a salesman didn’t ask you the same question?
· My Safety- Safety doesn’t mean not being raped, harassed, or threatened. Installing censored wires outside your house isn’t enough. Safety of emotions, when a child is angry you should respect his anger.
When your child is being stubborn that is because he craves something and you should handle it politely without getting them grounded. Every emotion needs to be safe with you. And you might want to appreciate the fact that your child has not gotten silent at home, because they communicate or express their feelings where they feel safe.
· Tell your story- Share your childhood with them. Not just good images but your wrongdoings as well, however also state the consequences of wrongdoings that you experienced, internal and external. It makes them feel connected and not feel less than a human beings you are.
· Not because I said so, but- Always create a ‘Why’ and then answer it yourself. Children always appreciate reasons for whatever you have told them to do or not to do. The reason the emotional atmosphere in the households is crashing is that nobody realizes the importance of ‘why’. Always share the reason.
· Sometimes sharing reality is the best- If you have to teach the word ‘Sorry’, do it. Learning to say sorry by heart will only help them get the respect of the real deals of society.
· Share your power- Parents are powerful. It is a blessing we often misuse, but the same blessing comes back at us the hard way. Sometimes giving them the power to make decisions make them wise and feel their choices are not always negligible. Such as choosing what to eat for dinner, or what bed sheet to put on the parent’s bed.
· Stop instructing everything- A human brain is a constant learning machine that makes it highly adaptive. It observes every solution, problem, character, etc. So, you don’t need to instruct every single dot for a task, just tell your children what to do, and a little bit of the ‘How’ part. After that, you should observe their potential and abilities, as well as observe the way they want to complete tasks.
Be Careful of What you Expect from Your Child in These Age Groups
It is not about ‘What’ but it’s about ‘When’
You motivate them to go to school, well it's Sunday, ask them to attend it today. Nobody would order their children to attend school on Sunday, but why? Everything is there, books, building, classrooms. It doesn’t matter what you ask them to do, it won’t work if the event isn’t reasonable and they won’t achieve anything, rather they would hurt their perspectives.
The human brain always learns simultaneously according to its capability and events. You should take care of your expectations and realize their life/age phase first and act accordingly.
If you will neglect this fact, it might come around a harsh way in the future for you and your child. Expecting something at the wrong time will only hurt their mental beliefs and start to underestimate their being in the longer run. I will help you understand the basic scientific child development stages, which will easily make your mind clearer about when to expect at what stage.
Parents Guide to Children’s Mental Development Expectations according to their Age Group
This study is conducted by the University of Nebraska Lincoln. It is a proven study that describes the characteristics of children according to their Age groups as well as the implications that guardians/parents need to practice for their best upbringing.
Age 3 to 6
· They can’t absorb criticism so always encourage first then identify the mistake.
· Desire for affection and love from adults so be communicative and affectionate towards them.
· They like being helpful so you might want to ask them for their help unnecessarily as well.
· They dislike changes in joyful plans so be careful about family trips, always keep an eye on your schedule, and don’t promise them what you can’t act upon.
· They like to play a role for the family so allow them to give you gifts and do something for you.
· They are even more sensitive to failure and criticism so you might want to break the new concepts and lessons down. Make short breaks, keep it simple and explain precisely.
· They will try their newly designed thought processes, beliefs, and perspectives on parents. Make sure you teach them right and wrong in an ethical manner without neglecting their freedom of perspectives and acquiring beliefs.
From this age group onwards, children will surely adopt new forms of mental, emotional, and physical traits. But most of what they will practice will come from the cognitive experiences in the age groups which have been discussed earlier.
Pro tip- Organize a 10-minute Q&A session with them once every week. This session will begin with the same single question every time, but it will end with different stunning outcomes. It must work wonders for you. Every person has something to teach you, it better be your child.
In that session, you shall ask your children ‘How can I make my parenting better?’ OR ‘Tell me where did my parenting go wrong this week?’ Do it for a month and the transformation of your household environment will amaze you.
As much as it is a gift, it is a responsibility by the nature. Parents should educate themselves about the direction of global trends and the way things work in this era. Your children are living in the most sophisticated and fluctuated times, and so you will fail while applying solutions that worked in your days. But whatever era it is, emotions will and have been the same.