The Hitch of Self-Confidence

Mohammad Abdullah Janjua
10 min readApr 23, 2022


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The majority of the population in the world is currently suffering from inner battles. If we take a look at the depressed community, the core impact of these is always loneliness. The 21st century is not so easy to absorb in regards to socialism and keeping up for it in the community.

Deliberating trends and fashions have set unspoken expectations of the community by which they perceive other people. This doesn’t work for everyone. In this digital era, keeping up to date is easy but staying up to date is not as easy as it sounds.

People begin a silent war within their social groups, of winning every conversation, buying every new released, and wearing what comes in the explore most of the time.

It has become more important to know what Kanye and Kardashian are up to maintain engagement amongst friends than to be a supportive sissy friend.

But that is just a societal mask the world is wearing, what is hidden underneath matters the most and truly provides valuable outcomes to one's life. And that is certainly being true to yourself and standing still with what you have.

However, on this rocky hike, some people lose themselves and wear other people’s shoes, and thus they couldn’t fit in and find themselves depreciated. This leads to a lack of self-confidence.

What is Self-Confidence…Actually?

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Following up with the above statements, you would now understand at a much better level. Self-confidence is a state where you are aware of your potential, also it defines your attitude towards your skills and abilities. It reflects how much control you have over your life and yourself. It is a drive to feel positive and settle realistic expectations for your life, and behave accordingly.

By knowing what is like to be self-confident, you might have already got an idea how what is it like not being a self-confident person.

People who are lacking confidence usually have no control over their real equity. It leads to self-doubt at different phases of life, you could find it difficult to trust other people and feel degraded or inferior in some cases.

Why is Self-Confidence Important?

You may have heard “You reflect your past”, but I would rather say “You represent your future” -M.A Janjua

I should give you a reality check, the biggest lie you tell yourself is “People think the same way you believe they think about you”.

We tend to express our feelings to other people, and our feelings and behavior differ from situation to situation and person to person, therefore we couldn’t keep ourselves as realistic as we should. But in our subconscious mind, we know we are being real and people are also meeting the best version of ourselves, but that is not true.

Every human being can absorb feelings, every person you talk to, kind of gets the sense of what you are and how do you feel, so if you feel like an inferior, degraded, if you have trust issues, if you are not confident about your abilities, no matter how much you act through it, people get it, it is in your eyes!

And this whole personality of yours that people experience, you represent your future version in front of them, and for the next time you are going to meet them, their mind will automatically set expectations about you.

Moreover, the sense of self-confidence drives your output in life. It destinies your journey toward success. Self-confidence helps you in achieving your goals and objectives for life, also helps you enhance your personality and skills as well as determines your growth.

So this is why building real self-confidence is important, regardless of your current phase of life or potential you don’t have.

9 Major Signs you Lack Self-Confidence

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If you give it a thought, you would know about it. Lack of confidence is built by some internal and external factors, and similarly, it generates some factors as well, those factors help identify your condition.

  1. Socially uncomfortable- There are times when a person doesn’t feel like socializing or going to an occasion. However, if it happens most of the time with you, the reason might be you are being sensitive about your indulgence in the event or communication with people. That is why you avoid interactions.
  2. Feeling anxious about your goals- This is a sign of low self-esteem. There is a chance you don’t trust your potential.
  3. Responding dry to compliments- Everyone likes compliments. And an unspoken law is to thank anyone who compliments you, maybe you do the same. However, take a look inside, and judge whether you proudly thank someone for the compliment or just for the sake of it. If you don’t believe the compliments given to you, you might be lacking self-confidence.
  4. Pamper yourself- Think of when did you grab time just to take care of yourself. If you don’t, you might have accepted yourself as you are because you find it difficult for yourself to enhance yourself. You have started believing ‘I can’t do it and I would confront you on this by telling you what Nike says ‘Just do it
  5. Hopeless- You are dry about your next day, your next big job, your business goal. You might not be thinking about your success more often, gradually you have trained your brain that you don’t have that “One Thing” to change your life like others.
  6. React to criticism- See, nobody likes criticism, but it’s there, it’s part of life. Not everyone will like you. However, if you react emotionally to anyone’s criticism you are just accepting it, while you shouldn’t be. Every person on earth gets criticized for several reasons because not everyone believes in you.
  7. Blaming others- If you don’t accept your mistakes or you aren't able to, this is maybe because you don’t have control over yourself and you play the victim game. It is a signal of lacking self-confidence where you don’t own enough strength to confront your mistakes and is afraid of losing dignity in front of others. But assume a situation where you have two friends, and one of them tells you about something vulnerable the other friend did. So you asked that friend if he/she confronted the other one, and he/she says yes, so you ask how did the other one respond? he/she says, the other one accepted and apologized for it. Think for a moment if you lost respect for the apologetic one, or did you just gain respect for that person? You know the answer, that is what I am trying to tell you. To accept your mistakes and apologize for them (if the situation demands) doesn't negatively affect your dignity/modesty, but it does lift you in front of others.
  8. Not open to change- There are times when people are fed up with the same routine, not everyone loves their job or to force smiles on their faces when the boss visits the cabin, right? This happens in almost every phase of life where you need to change or need to grow one step ahead. And not everyone is comfortable with it, change is annoying, but there is a difference between being scared and being annoyed. If you are scared of change, that might be the clue to your lack of self-confidence. You accept staying uncomfortable within your current situation of life.
  9. Overconfident- Trust me or not, being overconfident is also a sign you are not confident. Let us assume, you met a stranger at the park, a formal conversation led to a friendly moment and you are now becoming good friends.

The other guy is good at playing tennis, and so he wants to invite you to a game, before that he just asks you if you will play with him, and you answer “Yes I will play”. You don’t know anything about tennis and never played it.

Firstly, you just answered “Yes” because you knew you lack the skill to play this sport.

Secondly, you were attempting to impress the other guy by not accepting. If you would just answer “No but I would love to learn this game from you”. How beautiful is that? This answer is a sign you have self-confidence and you are open to learning to enhance yourself.

I try to be in the seeking mode always, it helps me grow and learn new things and new ways. I don’t feel embarrassed about it, but when I do sometimes I watch interviews of the most successful and inspiring personalities in the world, and there I get to know these personalities are still learning from everything and everyone around.

This helps me to adopt this quality and re-build my confidence. Moreover, this answer would just enhance your relationship with the other person and build huge respect in his/her heart for you.

Relationship, sports, business news, Justin and Hailey’s carriage drive, the solution to a problem, book, movie, or Post Malone’s new single!

How to Cook Yourself a Crazy Self-Confidence

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Let me recall the 8th sign, ‘change”. This part only makes sense if you are open to change. It is okay if you know about your lack of self-confidence, but change is required to overcome this. Make a good attempt to stretch your mind and begin to welcome change. Let me assure you, if you have come across this journal, it is because you have the potential to fight your inner conflicts.

Building self-confidence is not dependent on one secret recipe, it is a combination of multiple tasks that you need to consider and most of them are psychological approaches.

In simple words, self-confidence is just a psychological barrier in your brain that stops your transformation between what you are and what you want to become, and certainly, this barrier gives birth to your awkward physical interactions as well on some occasions.

However, the most powerful way to deal with it relies on the human psyche, because that is the place where it is born. So here are some useful self-confidence tips;

Unobservable yet Smashing Psychological Tricks To Build one Hell of a Self-Confidence

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Good Look equals Good Books

You might be having good clothes in your cupboard, but due to some reasons, you don’t make good use of them. I would suggest you dress nicely and explore what suits you the best.

Take the time out to try different combinations of clothes, with a good hairstyle, and check what makes you look better in your eyes (not in other people's eyes). It is a genuine fact that when you dress nicely, your brain releases confident sensations in your body.

Perspective is your Planet

Your reason for the lack of self-confidence might be one of the 8 signs we just discussed. Determine and change your perspective. You deserve your respect. Change your thought process and perspective about yourself. Whenever you find a flaw in yourself, push your brain to think about how to control it.

It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

Fears make you realize what aspects you need to enhance. Be fearless about your fears. Learn to face them and look them in the eye. The best way to eliminate fear is to live it. If you fear the activity of paragliding, do it!

They Ain’t There yet

Every single human being on earth is unique in some ways, otherwise, the world would have collapsed 100 years ago. Every single person has a story running in their mind, a haunting past beating in their hearts.

So don’t think you are the only person with flaws. Your flaws make you unique. Learn to be proud of yourself and if you do, then stop comparing yourself with others, because it just doesn’t make any sense.

Dead Plants also fill the garden — M.A Janjua

This is the most essential part to deal with. When we spend a lot of time with people of different minds and abilities, it makes us feel lonely at times even if we are around a bunch of folks.

Always surround yourself with quality people who don’t like to judge. There are the right people, you just need to find them, and you will only be able to do it by removing the wrong people.

Test your surroundings and observe whether you have a toxic environment or not.

  • Eat healthily
  • Exercise more often
  • Enhance your sleep cycle
  • Meditate in the early morning
  • Read good books
  • Write down your thoughts

Two more

  1. You need to talk…With yourself- If you have a toxic environment, then become your best environment. Human beings have a perfect ability to talk to themselves. It is the best feeling in the entire world, because the person you are talking to, completely understands you and gets your feelings, what is more, beautiful than this? So, spend quality “me time” with yourself, talk yourself out, and listen to answer your questions. You will eventually find this helpful in your self-development journey.
  2. Learn to Learn- Every single day is a chance to grow by 1%. But it is only possible when you allow yourself for it. Absorbing more knowledge and educating yourself gives birth to robust self-esteem and makes you even better day by day. This also throws a spotlight on the ability to accept. Think of the Tennis example we just discussed, just like that, accept your inabilities and always find ways to convert them into abilities.


Your personality has hidden abilities and potential. You just need to open that door to see the light in yourself. Building self-confidence will help you grow in your life, regardless of your current phase, whether you are a student, an employee, an employer, an entrepreneur, or a participant in any field of Arts.

It will just help you to grow stronger, build a strong belief in yourself and achieve more in life. Practice self-confidence until it becomes a skill, then continue practicing until your skill becomes a habit.

Not knowing about things is not a flaw, it does not make you uneducated or outdated. But not being aware of practical life aspects and lessons, makes you uneducated, and ‘outdated’, there is no such thing. The world is moving so fast that every single person on earth is outdated at some moment until they seek out more knowledge and gain experience.



Mohammad Abdullah Janjua

I seek knowledge and wisdom in Books, Researches and the most valuable channel, Human Beings. Welcome to my bubble!